I can text with my tongue
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
