Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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