She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
