Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
