I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
