I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
