i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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