Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
