I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
