I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
