dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
