is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A+ Viking dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
