I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
