A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
