Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
