He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
