My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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