can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
