well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
