hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
