Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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