my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
