things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
