I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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