First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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