haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
