i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
