my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
