Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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