I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
