dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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