even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
