rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
