M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the day after is always just damage control
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
