Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
