I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think my mom watched the whole time
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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