just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
