Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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