I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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