people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
