Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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