This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you had me at cake vodka
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
