Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
