you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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