I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
