I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
