perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
