I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
