i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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