This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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