fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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