i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
