The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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