If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
