Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
