he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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