I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
