i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
