I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
