Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
