I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
