Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
