Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
