Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
