I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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