well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
