She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
