some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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