yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
