Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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