forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
