I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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