Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
