if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
