I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
