Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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