just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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