hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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