She's JV to your varsity
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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