why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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