Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
