please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
