I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
