the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
