I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
